Lord Rama Chose Dharma over Love. I Make Love my Dharma.

Lord Ram was the prince of a kingdom called Ayodhaya. His step mother convinced the king to exile Rama out of the kingdom for fourteen years, so her own son Bharat who was younger than Ram would become the king.

When Rama was in exile with his wife Sita and younger brother Lakshman, a Demon named Ravana kidnapped Sita. Ravana was enthralled with Sita’s beauty and wanted to make her his wife.

Ravana tried to persuade Sita to marry him by all possible means. He gave her one month to decide or else he threatened to kill her. Sita had immense faith in her husband and she was extremely loyal to him. In spite of the intimidations Sita refused to give into Ravana’s demands.

Her faith was not misspent. Lord Rama managed to muster a monkey army, crossed an ocean with that army, killed Ravana, and rescued Sita.

So did Rama and Sita lived happily ever after?

No.

After months of separation from each other, as Sita was approaching Rama, his face changed from one of endearment to anger. He stopped her in her tracks and asked her to prove her chastity before he would accept her as his wife again.

Sita knew she was pure. She said she would walk through the fire to prove that her heart had been faithful to her husband Lord Rama. She ordered Lakshman to prepare fire from heap of woods. She walked through the fire and Rama and Sita were reunited.

Sita walking through fire to prove her chastity.

So did Rama and Sita lived happily ever after?

No.

Rama and Sita returned to Ayodhaya and started duties as king and queen of the kingdom. Soon Rama started getting reports of discontent in the kingdom. After some inquiry he found out that people in Ayodhya still questioned Sita’s innocence while in abduction for so long.

Since they doubted her purity they also doubted Rama’s judgement in keeping her his queen.

This information caused much trouble to Rama.

The next day he ordered his brother Lakshman to take Sita deep in a forest and leave her there, which Lakshman did after much resistance and despair he worshipped his sister-in-law.

Sita in Exile with her sons — Luv and Kush

And Rama and Sita never lived happily together.

So what is the moral of this story?

I don’t think there is a universal moral of this story. I think we all have to create our own moral and live our lives by that.

I believe Rama truly loved Sita. It was his unshakable love that Ocean himself showed Rama how to create a bridge across hundred of miles of water. It was love that gave him the strength to kill Ravana who was considered not only invincible but immortal.

Rama killing Ravana who had ten heads.

Then why did he have Sita walk through fire to prove her purity?

May be because he was a man after all. And by man I mean not just a human being but a male. A male who is possessive of his wife. A man who loves his woman but at the same time feels this insane primal urge to know that she has not been with any other man.

I feel Rama’s love for Sita was true at heart but conflicted in mind.

Rama was selfless in his desire to sacrifice all for his beloved wife. And selfish that he could not rise above the social and biological conditioning that made him possessive and distrust his beloved wife.

Once Sita proved her chastity through trial by fire then why did Rama exiled her when his subjects insinuated that she may not be innocent after all?

I can only imagine the pain and conflict he felt as he pondered what to do. He wanted his people to know that he is a righteous king, just like his forefathers before him. He didn’t doubt Sita’s innocence. But, how could he prove that to his subjects?

He had a choice to make and that choice wasn’t going to be easy.

I wonder why he didn’t chose to stand up for his wife. Didn’t he believe in her innocence? Was it more important for him to please his people than his own happiness and his wife’s? Or may be he was practicing unwritten laws of Dhrama when he asked his brother to leave Sita in a forest?

I don’t have answers to these questions, but I know exactly what I would have done if I was ruling in his place.

I would have stood up for my wife, her happiness and her well being.

I wouldn’t have made her walk through fire. I would be the one to do that if situation demands.

Yes, as a king I pledged to rule with fairness and morality. But I also pledged my wife to love her, respect her and protect her.

I acknowledge it is not going to be easy. I am a man after all. Possessive. Jealous. Selfish.

But I would make space for love. I would allow love to heal me and transform me so I can overcome generations of conditioning. I would only see goodness in my beloved. That is my dharma.

May Lord Rama and Mata Sita bless me so I can live my life true to my dharma.