An Escape From Prison of Self Worth To a Life of Authenticity— A True Story.
I am not a soldier. I had never been in a battle. All my life I had been a prisoner nevertheless. And the very worst kind of prison. The one that had been undetectable to me. I didn’t know I was imprisoned. And my captors didn’t have to worry about any escape attempt. Smart eh?
Though the prison was inconspicuous and more difficult to escape than an US federal penitentiary it had one short coming — the moment a captive realizes that he is being held against his will — Poof ! The prison disappears. And he is a free as a bird.
Something Agonizing — Fractured Hip
My grand escape from Prison of Self Worth started on July 13, 2020 around 4:45 PM with something agonizing.
Around that time, as I was chasing my son on a playground park bridge, I slipped. For a fraction of a second I experienced free fall, about which I don’t remember much. What I do remember undoubtedly is the intense pain as I cried for help.
Initially I felt certain the pain would subside as I was just in a shock. So I stayed still and prayed. After 15 minutes I was sure that either I was not praying correctly or I had broken a bone or two which would need medical help, along with praying. I asked my wife to call ambulance.
Fortunately, I had fallen on sand. It had softened the drop and prevented more serious injury.
Unfortunately, I had fallen on sand. Sand was all not only my clothes but also inside my hair, ears, mouth and nose.
I realized how much sand my body had absorbed when the first step First Responders took was wiping the sand from my face and my tongue.
I also recall the shit load of sand that was glued to my skin because once I was admitted to the hospital I was more traumatized by the sand than the hip and pelvic fracture that was diagnosed as the cause of pain.
Something Interesting — Absence of Regret
Early morning of July 14 I was admitted to the private ward of PIMS, Puducherry. Physically my body was in shock and intense pain.
The radiology staff of PIMS had tried to bend and twist me in all possible positions to get my x-ray. That had exacerbated the pain and scared me to any further touched by fellow human beings, with the exception of my wife.
My life had just taken a very unexpected turn. Doctors were still assessing the nature of my injuries and corrective measures they would had to take. I had been snatched from the constant and close proximity I had shared with my wife and my son on account of my working fully remote for more than a year.
As I was going through the uncertainty of future I noticed something interesting that was missing from my experience. That something was any regrets for what had just happened.
I felt that whatever shit had just happened, and how ever bad it stunk I had the tools to clean it up. And I got straight to work.
Something Liberating — Discovery of Peace
My first foray into spiritualism was in 2010 when I realized that there is something called happiness, and I would really like some more of it.
Before that I had pursued many other belief systems — like religion, agnosticism, materialism, and self indulgence without much success. Now that I think about it, its no wonder these philosophies didn’t bring me any closer to happiness — because their ultimate goal is their own preservation and continuity.
In 2020 after having read tens of books and having watched hundreds of TED talks and Youtube videos my mind had collected enough tools to create joy and fulfillment. Like a prisoner waiting for the captors to sleep so he can execute a jail break, my mind was waiting for the opportunity.
The accident gave him that opportunity. I felt something liberating that night. To my surprise in spite of the circumstances, I was at peace. Instead of blaming myself for not being careful enough I was eager to architect a swift and holistic recovery.
I had become a die hard fan of positive thinking. I spent the next seven days in the hospital by letting go of any negative thoughts. I purposely filled my mind with thoughts of gratitude and appreciation and to my surprise there were plenty of those.
Something Enlightening— Authenticity Unveiled
During next few days, as I started feeling better I noticed something enlightening about myself.
I was more in the moment and my expressions were authentic in ways I had never imagined before.
I always thought that to be authentic means to wear your heart on your sleeve and openly show your emotions. In my new experience nothing was farther from this.
I was authentic in my willingness to ask for help.
I was authentic in shouting at my caregivers when they unknowingly inflicted pain.
I was authentic at feeling no shame at being scrubbed by flock of female nurses.
I was authentic in the comfort I felt in sitting naked when the doctors did their morning rounds.
If you are fantasizing me in this condition don’t feel bad — you are just being authentic yourself.
Something Thrilling — A New Me
As I write these words I have almost recovered from the injuries I sustained during the fall. I will be walking in another two weeks after being bed ridden for 8 weeks. As I look forward to that day with excitement, I am perfectly content with just sitting on the bed and let my mind wander.
I not only feel more appreciative for what I have than ever before, I feel more empowered in my ability to create a future of my volition. I may have missed few weeks of pay check, playing time with my son, cuddling with my wife, and taking care of things but I have not an iota of regret. When I get back in the game it will be a New Me. Let’s call him ME 2.0.
ME 2.0 does not curb his creative genius to what is expected of him. He also does not limit his goals by what others have accomplished before him.
ME 2.0 is conscious of the responsive and infinite nature of life. He knows that Universe is responding to him in each moment and he has the ability to shape his external reality by shaping his emotions.
ME 1.0 may be bed ridden have a fractured hip. But ME 2.0 jumping and dancing all over the Cosmos and singing Hip-Hip Hooray.